If You Go Away
by The Sneezing Panda
Summary: "But if you stay, I'll make you a day like no day has been or will be again. We'll sail on the sun, we'll ride on the rain, and talk to the trees, and worship the wind." Song-fic: "If You Go Away" by Emiliana Torrini. Jammy.


_A/N: Writing this has made me miss summer. Writing this has also made me tear for some unknown reason. Writing this has made me realize I am truly obsessed with semi-colons, as well._

Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint or any of its characters. I also don't own the song, "If you Go Away," by Emiliana Torrini.

* * *

If You Go Away

_by The Sneezing Panda_

The sun rose high to the sky at dawn, flooding out the darkness. The birds chirped, and the rich green leaves whispered as summer's light morning breeze brushed past them. Bicyclists zoomed by on the sidewalk. The steady footfalls of joggers and the merry laughter of young children echoed throughout the neighbourhood.

The ducks quacked as they splashed through the dirty waters of the river, and their fluffy yellow offspring trotted along, following. The squirrels fed on nuts and ran across the grass. Bunnies hopped to and fro.

Flowers bloomed and swayed in the wind, cast in the yellow sunshine.

July's heat soaked up the atmosphere. Families loaded their bags in the trunks of their vans, fired up the engine and left for a trip to the beach.

Teenage girls texted and giggled. Their flip-flops smacked against the pavement as they paraded to the malls with their little handbags, checking out summer sales. Teenage boys rode their skateboards and showed of in the parks by attempting insane tricks that could very well result in broken necks.

It was an average summer day, in just another summer month.

To everyone else, but Julianna Callaghan.

_If you go away  
On this summer's day  
Then you might as well  
Take the sun away  
All the birds that flew  
In the summer sky  
When our love was new  
And our hearts were high  
And the day was young  
And the nights were long  
And the moon stood still  
For the night bird's song  
_

Jules heard the footsteps that halted behind her, and she paused before turning from her post at the window, and met the soft blue eyes of Sam Braddock.

He wore the army green camouflage, and he held his bag, and he swallowed hard.

Jules felt her bottom lip quiver slightly, and bit down hard, looking down. Sam strode up to her and embraced her petite form, rubbing her back.

She dare not cry. She told herself to be strong.

Jules gripped his biceps and buried herself in his warmth, inhaling his scent and closing her eyes.

The sun vanished beneath the rumbling clouds, and the brightness of the morning faded into the grey of a thunderstorm. The sky flashed and cackled, and the clouds grew dark. Cold rain poured down onto the earth. Dirt formed into mud, and rivers flooded. The people scattered for shelter, cars made u-turns, plans rained out.

Children shrieked and gathered umbrellas, while others were hauled indoors by worrisome parents. Pedestrians were soaked from the rainfall and splashed by speeding cars.

A young, naive, teenage couple kissed in the rain, however cliche it may seem.

There was a summer thunderstorm, in the eyes of Julianna Callaghan.

_If you go away_

_If you go away  
If you go away..._

"Jules, I'm sor-"

"Stop!" Jules ordered, her hard brown eyes snapping up to meet his. Her lips parted, words failed her. She lifted her hands to cup his cheeks and brought his head down, kissing him hard.

Jules couldn't listen to his apologies any longer. She couldn't.

_Stay._

The word threatened to leave her lips. She deemed it useless; he had to leave.

Jules pondered life without him. She ultimately decided she _couldn't_ live without him, not even for a year. She couldn't live wondering if he was killed or wounded. She couldn't wait every morning for a letter that proved he was alive. Jules missed him already.

_But if you stay  
I'll make you a day  
Like no day has been  
Or will be again  
We'll sail on the sun  
We'll ride on the rain  
And talk to the trees  
And worship the wind  
_

Jules vaguely thought of stealing him away for herself.

_She laid back onto the bed of flowers, closing her eyes under the touch of the sun, and plucked a lily from the ground beside her. Gentle fingers ran along the smooth skin of her forearm, sending goosebumps up her spine. Her pillow flexed beneath her head and pulled her close, the hand running up and down her skin tugged her body to his direction, forcing her onto her side. She rested her head on his broad chest, her legs tangling with his. Her short white dress rode up just the tiniest bit, exposing more of the tantalizingly silky sun-kissed skin of her thighs._

_A strand of her brown curls flew forward and tickled her cheeks. The flimsy ivory cloth of her dress rustled. The summer breeze was cool and welcome, and she relished it under the sun's heat. The strong wooden branches of the tall trees, covered in bushes of green leaves, swayed from side to side in that brief break from the star's warmth._

_A cool drop of water fell onto her arm, and she brushed it off until it was followed by more. Dark grey clouds rolled in, covering the beautiful face of the sun. She reached out, and her hand landed on damp green grass. Her head snapped to the direction of her hand, and she frowned. He was gone._

_She collapsed back down to the wet ground and stared up at the dark skies. Her soaked locks stuck against her cheeks and neck and shoulders and her white dress, now see-through, clung to her curves._

_Grey eyes stared back down at her. Those familiar eyes she longed to see once more._

"Jules," Sam whispered, shaking her lightly. Jules was relieved to see him once again in person, to feel his arms around her, but his wardrobe and luggage unfortunately reminded her of the situation at hand.

_But if you go  
I'll understand  
Leave me just enough love  
To fill up my hand  
_

He never _really_ wanted to go, but he made a promise to his country and he'd be damned if he was to break it.

Jules understood. That didn't mean she wanted him to go.

He made a promise to his girl to write, and he'd be damned if he wasn't to uphold.

He'd fight for her.

_If you go away  
If you go away  
If you go away...  
_

The world was spinning fast around her, and she felt it would crash down upon her. She would be buried deep beneath heaps of rubble and masses of debris, and she would never see those blue eyes again, she would never feel his touch, or smell his aroma of coffee, gunpowder, and cologne. She would never hear the low rumble of his laughter or the baritone of his voice. She would never taste the bittersweet brew of coffee or the strong, minty gum on his lips when she kissed him slow.

_If you go away  
As I know you will  
You must tell the world  
To stop turning  
'til you return again  
If you ever do  
For what good is love  
Without loving you?  
Can I tell you now  
As you turn to go  
I'll be dying slowly  
'til the next hello  
_

Jules wished he could stop time, until he returned, if he ever did, so she wouldn't have to face the world without him, for the next year would be feel like five years until it reached the twelfth-month mark.

"Goodbye," Sam whispered quietly against her neck. Jules shivered, and blinked hard, forcing the fresh, unshed tears to subside, and swallowed hard to clear her throat and rid it of the burn.

"Bye," Jules spoke softly, cupping his left cheek and tapping it lightly with her index finger.

Sam bent down to pick up his bag, and before he turned to leave, he planted a kiss on her cheek.

_If you go away  
If you go away  
If you go away...  
_

His boots hit the ground hard and his footsteps sounded loud around him. Jules watched his form, increasingly becoming smaller and smaller, until it finally disappeared when he boarded his bus.

She watched as it drove away, down the round, until it disappeared around the corner.

Julianna Callaghan suddenly felt hollow.

_But if you stay  
I'll make you a night  
Like no night has been  
Or will be again  
I'll sail on your smile  
I'll ride on your touch  
I'll talk to your eyes  
That I love so much  
_

Jules didn't beg him to stay, for he had to leave and it would make it harder for them both.

But if he did, she would make it worth it all. Days would turn into nights, and nights into days, and come nightfall, it would be just them; without a care in the world.

_The chilly wind breezed through autumn's atmosphere, caressing the shadow-cast grass and tipping trees. Oak branches rustled and swayed; hitting tightly-shut windows, including one belonging to Julianna Callaghan._

_The moonlight made her skin glow, and Sam Braddock couldn't help but notice how utterly beautiful his girlfriend looked as she straddled his waist; giggling._

_Her mouth covered his, and his mind soon got lost in that breathtaking kiss; he couldn't remember what he had said to make her laugh, or what day it was, or, hell; what his name was. He didn't care at all, as long as she kept doing _that_._

_He ran his hands over the smooth skin of her sides, skimming over her breasts and down to her hips, which he gripped firmly and flipped them over. She squealed lightly, caught off guard._

_He kiss her hard, and she found herself lost._

_She raked her manicured nails down his back as he kissed her neck. She moaned softly; but that wasn't enough for Sam Braddock. He wanted her screaming._

_His hands travelled down below her navel; her eyes snapped open to meet his._

_He saw the lust and want in them; as did she._

_She loved his blue eyes, darkened with arousal._

Those eyes. She'd miss those eyes. Soft and light when he laughed; dark and clouded when angry or...

_But if you go  
I won't cry  
Though the good is gone  
From the word goodbye  
_

No. She would not cry. There was no need, he'd come back safely.

Jules could only hope.

It was the tiniest bit of hope that kept her going.

The good-byes were spoken, and it would be a year before they were reunited.

That's what killed her.

_If you go away  
If you go away  
If you go away...  
_

Don't go.

Please.

I love you.

It could have been spoken. Jules was devastated; she didn't think.

They were only words, and words could never really do any good.

_If you go away  
As I know you must  
There is nothing left  
In this world to trust  
Just an empty room  
Full of empty space  
Like the empty look  
I see on your face  
And I'd __need the shadow  
Of your shadow  
If you might have kept me  
By your side  
_

He had to go.

It would have mattered _what_ she said.

But he was gone, and there was no one she could rely on anymore.

The silence was deafening, her ears began to ring, and her eyes raked over the living room.

He was gone

It was empty; she was empty; he was empty.

The scent of his cologne still lingered, the scent of _him_ lingered still. It refused to leave, and Jules wouldn't kick it out.

With hard eyes, she travelled back to her- _their _room, and she fell down onto _their_ bed, and she fell asleep on _his_ pillow, with thoughts of him to keep her company.

_If you go away  
If you go away  
If you go away..._

_If you go away  
If you go away...  
_

* * *

_A/N: My sister-in-law hates this song :P_


End file.
